It was two days before Eddie and Rita's Saturday wedding date. Though Rita had several phone conversations with her father, this was to be their first face to face encounter since his return from alcohol rehab. Based on those phone calls Rita was truly amazed. Sobriety, combined with the counseling he'd received, seemed to have made a dramatic change in Big Bob's attitude. From selfish and surly, he was actually sounding like a concerned, caring father. He'd even made some positive references to being a grandfather, a not-so-easy task for a man in his mid-thirties. So when her father knocked on the Brown's door at seven sharp he would be picking up a very happy young woman.
"Come in Mr. Willis. I'm Dennis Brown, Eddie's dad."
"Hi, it's Bob. Pleasure to meet you. Rita's told me only great things about the way you and your wife have treated her. Taken care of her would maybe be more accurate. You folks have helped her through some tough times and I want you to know I really appreciate it." Big Bob was still grasping Dennis' hand and the power of that grasp was starting to show in Dennis' face.
"Hey, I'm sorry," Big Bob said as he realized the pain he was inflicting on his host.
"Come and sit down a minute. Say hello to my wife while I get Rita. Honey, Bob Willis is here."
Sherry was upstairs talking to the suddenly nervous Rita. She told Rita to wait a couple of moments and then follow her downstairs.
"Well hello Mr. Willis. Rita's just finishing getting dressed. Can I get you a drink?" Sherry Brown shook her head and laughed at her words. Both Dennis and Bob Willis smiled.
"A glass of soda perhaps?"
"Thanks, no. I was just thanking your husband for the kindness you've shown my daughter. I ah...."
"She's a wonderful girl, Mr. Willis. So she's told you about the rehearsal tomorrow night at St. Paul's?"
"Six o'clock to be followed by a get together back here. Yes ma'am. I'll be there. And I'll be here."
"Hi Daddy." Rita was dressed in a dark skirt and a white silk blouse, loose enough to cover her growing but still not very large stomach. She looked very grown up.
"Hi sweetheart. You look great. Hungry?"
"Yeah a little. Okay guys, see you later."
"Pleasure meeting you both. See you tomorrow night." Big Bob Willis was beaming.
Sherry and Dennis Brown walked Rita and her father half way to the street and watched them drive away.
"Man, he's sure changed from the way you said Rita described him." Eddie's father spoke as he watched Bob's big Cadillac disappear. "Guy almost broke my hand."
"Ah, kiss the boo-boo." Sherry Brown kissed her husband's hand and pulled him inside.
"Maybe it was a miracle. Or maybe the shrinks at rehab are great at what they do. Or maybe he's full of shit."
"Why would he be acting," Dennis Brown asked his wife.
"I don't know Dennis. Maybe I'm just getting cynical in my old age." Dennis Brown thought to himself that if his wife was becoming a cynic what chance was there for the future of the world.
Big Bob Willis took his daughter to a small but first class Italian restaurant in Sag Harbor. Rather quiet on the ferry ride, they were both enjoying the beautiful late summer night and their new relaxed relationship. Only after dinner did their conversation get serious.
"You know, honey, I feel great physically but I'm really struggling in my head. Us getting along like this means a lot to me, more than you could imagine."
"Daddy, I could imagine. Don't you think it was awful for me when you were drinking all the time?"
"Yeah, I know. I didn't mean that the way it came out. I was just trying to tell you how hard it is not to drink. How much I miss it. I'm so afraid I'll go back."
Rita didn't know exactly how to respond. Big Bob went on.
"Did you ever see a movie called 'Charlie'? It was with Cliff Robertson. He played a retarded man in his thirties." Rita shook her head. "This woman doctor discovered a drug that made him normal, completely normal. The doctor and him even fell in love. Then the drug starts to wear off and Robertson feels himself slowly slipping back to being retarded again. He's scared. She's desperately trying to change the medication, trying to keep him as he is. It ends he's back the way he was, permanently. I tell ya, my situation is different but I kinda feel like Charlie. I'm scared I'm gonna slip back to what I was, a bum and a jerk. I sometimes even miss acting the way I did. Being a bully, pushin' people around. It sounds stupid as I say it but it's true. I don't know, I'm trying though."
"Look, I never thought I'd see you this way, even for a day."
"I think that's kind of what the woman doctor was saying in the movie, or maybe it was Robertson. But I'm the drug, Rita, and this drug's got to work. It's on me, that's why it's so scary."
"I hope you let me help you the way mommy never let me."
"You still feel bad about that don't you? You shouldn't you know. At least you tried. I didn't do anything compared to you."
"Daddy, I still think about her all the time. Almost every time I'm alone. About when you told me how sick she was, about all the fights and about me and her in the ambulance. It's like a terrible habit, or an addiction. I can't help myself. I do it over and over again."
"Let me tell you something, kid. From what they taught me in rehab you are helping yourself. Its called catharsis. It means letting your feelings out, not keeping things inside. That's how people get really messed up later on, you know? You're okay, you're doing fine. Don't worry about it anymore. The thoughts come, they come. Hey, where was Eddie tonight?" Big Bob successfully changed the subject.
"Oh, I thought I told you. He got his job back at the store. He's working late tonight 'cause he's leaving work a little early tomorrow and he's not working Saturday."
"I would think not, Mrs. Brown. How's that sound... Mrs. Brown?"
"Sounds good to me and to little Eddie here."
"Is that what you're gonna name him if it's a boy?
"I'm not sure. We kid around and call him 'little Eddie'."
"If it's a girl you ought to name her Sherry after Eddie's mother. From all the things you told me she's been like a saint to you."
"If it's a girl we'll call her Diana. She wasn't such a great mother but I loved her so much Daddy and I miss her so bad. It would almost be kinda be like having her back, you know?"
Big Bob felt like crap even suggesting a name other than that of his dead wife. He shook his head at himself.
"You're right, honey. See, I'm still mostly a jerk. Diana would be a beautiful name."
The wedding rehearsal and the party at the Brown's went on without a hitch. And while everyone was surprised that Mike was Eddie's pick to be best man, no one (for varying reasons) asked Eddie why he passed over his best friend. If anyone had the nerve to bring it up, Eddie would have said it was all about killing his dream. It was that simple. In Eddie's mind the band was on its way and Tommy, Tommy alone for his own selfish reasons, put himself above everyone else. Eddie wasn't brilliant but he felt he saw this all much more clearly than Mike or Brian. You don't often get second chances in life, especially in something as crazy as the music business. Hell, most people don't even get first chances in that business. And while he didn't think the words to himself there was no doubt that losing his childhood, his freedom and his dream in the space of a month was taking its toll.
At ten o'clock sharp on Saturday, September 9th, 1977, Eddie Brown, Mike Torre, Maryann Paladino and Pastor Reed were standing at St. John's altar waiting for Rita Willis and her father to walk down the aisle. The organ began and in a moment or two the bride-to-be and her escort were on their way. From the moment the music had started and all the guests had stood up, Maryann found herself staring at Tommy. He got up from an aisle seat and in his blue blazer looked more handsome than ever. When Rita appeared, Maryann joined everyone in watching her but after a few seconds Maryann's eyes were back on Tommy. And as Rita walked by Tommy and as his head turned to follow her to the altar, in those few seconds, Maryann, certainly the only person in the church looking at Tommy Mullen, saw tears in his eyes. It's a good thing the best man holds the ring for the groom. If it had been Maryann's responsibility she never would have heard the pastor ask for it.
The reception in the Brown's backyard was low key, just as Sherry Brown had planned. After the bride (stunning in her mother's wedding gown, altered ever so slightly to accommodate "little Eddie") and groom made an entrance to a standing round of applause, the gathering took the form of little group discussions. Eddie and the band. Margaret and Randy with Sherry Brown and Rita and Randy, Big Bob, Dennis Brown and a somewhat out of place Anthony Paladino. But whatever sparks were to fly that afternoon came from the chairs occupied by Eddie Brown and his ex-best friend Tommy Mullen.
An exceedingly particular young man, Tommy not bringing a date didn't surprise anyone. And the conversation among the band members stayed, for quite some time, focused first on Eddie and his upcoming fatherhood and then on reminiscing their very recent, but already beginning to be exaggerated, road wars. Only after exhausting everyone's stories did Tommy break what he considered to be great news.
"I got a call last night from Rosemary Cola. She wants us back. She said she wants us to be her weekend house band for as long into the winter as she's drawing a decent crowd and then we'd come back in the spring. And I negotiated us a raise to one hundred seventy five a night. That is if you guys want to do it. I told her I'd call as soon as we talked. We'd start next Friday night."
Aware of the sensitivity of the issue of the band's future between Tommy and Eddie, Brian and Mike suppressed their enthusiasm and deferred to Eddie Brown.
"What do you think, Easy Man?" Mike asked.
"It's better than nothin' that's for sure." Eddie paused, carefully gathering his thoughts and slowly choosing his words.
"Maybe this isn't exactly the best time to bring this up but what the hell. Where are we going with this?" He was looking at Tommy. "So we pass up an opportunity, maybe an opportunity of a lifetime because you want to finish school. Okay, I can see your side of it. You've got two years invested and you don't want to piss it away on a chance that we hit big. Maybe our only chance but okay. But what happens when you're done with school, what happens then. Do we give it a real good shot, stay together, try to be together full time for a couple of years? Or do you take your degree and get a job? I couldn't blame ya; you work for four years for something and then you use it. But what about us?" Eddie looked at Brian and Mike's dates. "Pardon the expression ladies, we'd be fucked, that's what we'd be. Am I right, tell me I'm wrong."
Tommy had leaned back in his lawn chair, hands folded in his lap as he listened to his oldest friend speak the undeniable truth. It was indeed the most likely scenario. Tommy was an accounting major and doing very well in it. He liked numbers, always did, had a real talent with them. Upon graduation he would certainly be tempted with well paying job offers in the accounting field and would likely go in that direction. Now it was his turn to carefully choose his words.
"Look, I can't argue with what you're saying. I don't know what I'm gonna do but it would probably be hard to turn down a great job. Who can know exactly what's gonna happen, how I'm gonna feel in two years. How you guys are gonna feel. We've got a chance to make some money, to stay together at least part-time. I don't know what else to say."
Eddie knew he was just getting some stuff off his chest and hopefully off his mind. If he baled they'd get a new drummer and the chances he'd ever see his dream come true would go from small to zero. So he stays in the band, maybe, just maybe, some band with a future (or even a present) sees him and asks him to come over or maybe Tommy decides to go for it. He really had no choice. Something that seemed to be happening a lot to him recently.
"Yeah, okay. I hear you. So we're the Rosco's house band."
Brian and Mike slapped hands and turned to Eddie. But he'd already turned his back and was starting to get up to walk over to his new bride. So they turned to Tommy, but he, too, had turned away and was staring in the direction of Eddie's destination.
Margaret Brodsky and Randy Dunne had both been telling their respective groups about their decision to take Robert off of Julie's hands. The general reaction was one of understanding and there was agreement that Margaret was faced with a real dilemma. Big Bob, on one hand the person knowing most about Julie Crandell's mothering skills and on the other a full grown man, at least until very recently, without the ability to see beyond next Thursday, was the most supportive. Sherry Brown, though, was very concerned about Robert's future. What about school? Where was Margaret's proof of guardianship? Wouldn't she have to live a series of lies? I'm his aunt. I'm his grandmother. What was she going to tell Robert if his mother never came back by the time he was old enough to ask the tough questions? Was she sure Randy wanted a two- year old living with them? Was she sure she really wanted a child at all? Maybe permanently?
"I don't mean to sound so negative, Margaret. You're an angel for caring so deeply about the welfare of a little child. It's just that it's so damn complicated and I get the impression you did what you felt you had to do without considering the consequences."
"You're right, Sherry. I didn't give it much consideration but if I had I would have done the same thing. I'm sure of it."
Sherry decided she'd said what needed to be said, that her conscience was clean and it was time to move on.
"Like I said, you're an angel. Speaking of angels, let's get the wedding cake for my new angel of a daughter-in-law."
After the wedding cake and coffee and after Eddie's grandparents had left, new, smaller groups developed. Some were obvious, some were unusual. Rita and her dad spoke of his future. He explained how retirement after fifteen years from the police force didn't entitle you to retirement money for another five years. How he, with Randy Dunne and others helping him, was looking for a security job. Anthony Palladino was locked in a deep musical conversation with Brian and Mike. He was animated and enjoying himself more than he had in years. Margaret and Rita were talking about children and marveling at how impossible it would have been to predict this conversation just a few months before as they worked behind a lunch counter together. And Sherry Brown and Randy Dunne talked cooking, at least until the conversation switched to Robert and then Julie.
"Do you think she'll come back for him?" Sherry asked.
"It's tough to predict what a character like Julie Crandell will do. She's probably going to be drug driven now that's she's back in that atmosphere. It'll take her getting busted again I'd think, to get her out of there, in jail, out on probation and then the whole cycle could begin again. Or they'll find her dead some place. My guess is we've seen her for the last time. I wouldn't be surprised if she at some point even stopped taking the money. But you were right in saying it could get real messy for the kid and Margaret and, I guess me, at some point. Can't worry about that now. Nothin' we can do." And as the number one cook in the Dunne/Brodsky relationship, Randy moved the conversation back to the delicious chicken wings Sherry had cooked up.
On the edge of the Brian, Mike and their dates group sat Maryann and Tommy, nominally in the discussion. Tommy was basically day dreaming and Maryann was trying to get Tommy to say something, anything of substance to her. She didn't want to just blurt out what had been on her mind for many hours now, which was what were tears doing in his eyes at Rita and Eddie's wedding. She'd already asked Rita, who blew her off by saying she must have been seeing things.
"Guys don't cry at weddings, especially a guy like Tommy Mullen." Secretly, Maryann's words had sent a chill up Rita's spine; a chill she neither needed nor wanted right then. She'd only partially been able to get Maryann's words out of her head and now, hours later, still would catch herself glancing in Tommy's direction. She was sure Tommy had caught her at least once, maybe twice. And she had definitely caught him staring at her. She wished she and Eddie were going somewhere on a honeymoon but Mr. Burger had made it clear he needed Eddie now or it would be never. She assured herself she'd get up tomorrow and not think any more about Tommy Mullen.
Margaret and Randy started the good-byes, but not before Margaret gave Rita a check for two thousand dollars.
"I want you and Eddie to know I'll always be there for you guys. May you have a hundred great years."
Rita hugged her as Randy stood beside them and made it a point to ask Margaret just how wealthy she actually was.
As the good-bye line was thinning, Tommy finally made a statement directed entirely toward Maryann.
"By the way, you look great. You really do. How's everything going? You're a senior this year, right?"
Maryann's heart rose to her throat. But before she could
respond (she never did decide, even much later that night while
she relived the moment a dozen times, what she would have said)
the line had moved, she was kissing Eddie and Rita was kissing
Tommy good-bye. And even if she had closely watched Tommy as he
kissed Rita's cheek, she would never have noticed the little
squeeze his hand gave Rita and the ever so slight return squeeze
Rita gave Tommy.
Questions? Comments? Please send e-mail to jbearden@ieee.org
Material Copyright © 1998-2003 by Jim Bearden